Two crooked little chowder heads named Clovis and Ernesto worked at the Dodge store for a few weeks. They were inseparable. No one else would spend time with them so they had to buddy up. Combine slicked back hair-dos and pencil thin mustaches with chalky skin and tight purple wardrobes and they looked like […]

There was a greasy little butterball at the Nissan dealership named Ratcliff. Of course we renamed him Rat Clit. We had no choice. He deserved all the scorn we could heap on him. First of his sins, he tried to bully women.
“You better get outta my way girl,” he told a saleslady one […]

Television is a car salesman’s best friend during the long empty hours. Some guys catch up on their stories like: General Hospital, All My Children, As The World Turns. Others watch Judge shows where plaintiffs and defendants argue over pee-stained carpets and windshields broken by drunken lovers.
A few weeks ago, on a […]

I was being punished for making “smart-ass remarks” in the morning sales meeting. My punishment was in the form of cold calls.
The cold call room was in the basement . It was windowless, dank and smelly. It’s where they sent us to think about our sins and make calls to strangers in the city directory. […]

Back in the early nineties a great deregulated hurricane blew through the savings and loan industry in Tennessee and took out the weaker branches. Several of the well heeled gentry found themselves broke, homeless and behind bars. One offspring of this ravaged demographic landed at the Ford dealership driving an older model Caprice […]

In the first hour of my first day, I saw an assortment of guys talked in front of the showroom. I ambled over. A man with slick hair and rotten teeth said to me, “Come on over and get in this Dope Ring.”
“Dope Ring?”
“A Dope Ring, you know, a bunch of Dopes standing around […]

If there is one theme meandering through these writings, it’s the peculiar nature of people you meet in the car business. One chubby little joker named Larry turns up every few years. I find a new dealership to hide out, let my guard down after a few months and damn, there’s Larry.
He doesn’t sneak […]

Everyone called him Morris so I assumed that was his name.
Morris was a smarmy little fop with manicured fingernails and tight pants. Everything about him was repugnant, from his cologne to his wide endomorph ass. He didn’t seem to mind that everyone hated him. In fact, he thrived in his disgraced status, like a […]

My career started when I saw the Help Wanted ad: Free test. Have fun, sell cars, make lots of money. It almost seemed too good to be true.
I called the Ford dealership. The receptionist sounded very glad to talk to me until she found out I was interested in having fun, selling […]

Very early in my sales career I found a little Mom and Pop store. We sold Hondas at a time when there weren’t enough Hondas to go around. There was a waiting list for Civics and Accords. If a customer balked at paying sticker price or sometimes more than sticker, we dropped them and said, […]