(Before we get started, I suggest you read; THE ROAD by Cormac McCarthy.)
My customer’s name is Mrs. Bilbrey. She’s five foot of pure psychopathic rage. She’s been a part of my life for over two weeks now, every day, five hours a day. She made a grand entrance ten minutes ago. Right now she’s yelling […]

There was a greasy little butterball at the Nissan dealership named Ratcliff. Of course we renamed him Rat Clit. We had no choice. He deserved all the scorn we could heap on him. First of his sins, he tried to bully women.
“You better get outta my way girl,” he told a saleslady one […]

Back in the early nineties a great deregulated hurricane blew through the savings and loan industry in Tennessee and took out the weaker branches. Several of the well heeled gentry found themselves broke, homeless and behind bars. One offspring of this ravaged demographic landed at the Ford dealership driving an older model Caprice […]

I sold two cars so far this week. A new Saab 2.0t to a young man. He didn’t say twenty words the entire time it took to put a deal together. Fine with me. As long as he qualifies and signs his name.
Then we rolled a used Saab the color of lime Kool-Aid […]

On the small screen, two men and a woman were in a small office. The men wore suits with lapels that reached their shoulders. The salesman had Bozo hair and a wide tie. He wore a powder blue jacket that caused slight retina burn. The woman had a fountain pen in her hand. She sported […]

This is a true story. I wish I could take credit for a tale so fantastic as this but my meager abilities at spinning stories pale in light of this one truly bizarre circumstance.
The roads were lightly populated this morning. It seemed strange to have Alcoa Highway to myself. My morning commute is usually […]

Going off the car lot track here.
What the hell is going on with television? Every time I think they’ve found the bottom of the programming barrel, they dig around a little lower and say, “Now this looks good.”
I turned on the tube last night to see if anything even remotely interesting was happening and can […]

Between gigs at the Honda store and the Nissan franchise, I worked for the other Ford dealer in town. The sales people there were the roughest crew I ever had the honor of working with. They made Lying Lawrence look like a sophisticate. The senior man there was a portly red faced gent named Stu. […]

About ten years ago a disappointing movie came out. It was a remake of Godzilla. It stunk up the theatres for about a week before taking up space at the video store. It was out long enough to start a craze in the Giant Inflatable Monster market. Our manager at the Nissan dealer had to […]