I reluctantly came back from lunch today. The temptation to just keep on driving gets stronger every day. This business is starting to wear me down. Just as I neared the showroom entrance, a psychopathic salesman named Rocky burst out the door, almost smashing my face.
“Rocky,” I hissed. “Will you be careful.”
“Sorry there good […]

Yesterday morning I walked past a row of eight-by-ten cubicles. As I passed the second booth, a thick textured voice rang out, “Hey, Burke. Hey, let me show you something here.” It was Hoss. He seemed to be constantly on the verge of figuring something out.
“Hoss, I’ve got to go. I’m being paged to […]

An itinerant sales trainer blew through town a few months ago. He came in and had a closed door meeting with the managers. These trainers are attracted to the stink of failing car lots like flies to a buffalo fart. And this car lot certainly fell into the failure category. After listening to his […]

In the first hour of my first day, I saw an assortment of guys talked in front of the showroom. I ambled over. A man with slick hair and rotten teeth said to me, “Come on over and get in this Dope Ring.”
“Dope Ring?”
“A Dope Ring, you know, a bunch of Dopes standing around […]

If there is one theme meandering through these writings, it’s the peculiar nature of people you meet in the car business. One chubby little joker named Larry turns up every few years. I find a new dealership to hide out, let my guard down after a few months and damn, there’s Larry.
He doesn’t sneak […]

My career started when I saw the Help Wanted ad: Free test. Have fun, sell cars, make lots of money. It almost seemed too good to be true.
I called the Ford dealership. The receptionist sounded very glad to talk to me until she found out I was interested in having fun, selling […]

The Nissan Dealer hired some very damaged individuals during the five years I worked there. None more damaged than Gribble. He was crooked. Not in the way most people think of when they call a car salesman crooked. This guy was warped. His body described an “S” curve. His head floated off in […]

There was a salesman at the Ford dealership, his name was Mister Bailey. He had worked at that franchise for over forty years. He was in his eighties and a true old school salesman from the days when being a car salesman looked better than being an axe murderer on your resume.
Mister Bailey had photographs […]

Between gigs at the Honda store and the Nissan franchise, I worked for the other Ford dealer in town. The sales people there were the roughest crew I ever had the honor of working with. They made Lying Lawrence look like a sophisticate. The senior man there was a portly red faced gent named Stu. […]

Very early in my sales career I found a little Mom and Pop store. We sold Hondas at a time when there weren’t enough Hondas to go around. There was a waiting list for Civics and Accords. If a customer balked at paying sticker price or sometimes more than sticker, we dropped them and said, […]