I reluctantly came back from lunch today. The temptation to just keep on driving gets stronger every day. This business is starting to wear me down. Just as I neared the showroom entrance, a psychopathic salesman named Rocky burst out the door, almost smashing my face.
“Rocky,” I hissed. “Will you be careful.”
“Sorry there good […]

I sold two cars so far this week. A new Saab 2.0t to a young man. He didn’t say twenty words the entire time it took to put a deal together. Fine with me. As long as he qualifies and signs his name.
Then we rolled a used Saab the color of lime Kool-Aid […]

There was a salesman at the Ford dealership, his name was Mister Bailey. He had worked at that franchise for over forty years. He was in his eighties and a true old school salesman from the days when being a car salesman looked better than being an axe murderer on your resume.
Mister Bailey had photographs […]

Very early in my sales career I found a little Mom and Pop store. We sold Hondas at a time when there weren’t enough Hondas to go around. There was a waiting list for Civics and Accords. If a customer balked at paying sticker price or sometimes more than sticker, we dropped them and said, […]

The car business is an obsessive, compulsive culture. Most participants currently indulge in some form of aberrant behavior or they’re trying to recover from damage caused by past sins.
Like gamblers, we have bouts of euphoric recall. Memories of the last big score carry us through the lean times. And the lean times are becoming […]

I’m in the middle of my self imposed sabbatical from the car business. During this time I’m trying to take care of mundane chores and work on my physical and mental health. Running, walking and riding my bike combines the two. The […]

Time Off From the Old Car Lot
The dealership where I currently work sells premium American motor cars that get about zero miles per gallon. Times are rough at the old store. It’s a ghost town. The factory reps are breathing down their necks. I’m taking a few days off to evaluate my options and […]

The Burke Manifesto
There’s a note pad and pencil by my bed. I woke up in the small hours last night and scratched out a note. This happens a lot. Sometimes, the next morning I find nonsense scribbles. In dream haze they seem like golden drops of wisdom. In the harsh reality of day I find […]

Call Me Fish Smell
There once was a man named Fish Smell. He bounced around from car lot to car lot creating havoc and leaving a trail of pissed-off people. The reason for this was simple: Fish Smell was the most evil son of a bitch any of us had ever met. He stole, lied, committed […]

Mister Boone finds a girlfriend.
I came back from lunch and saw a pleasant looking lady standing in the used car building. She was short, blonde and animated. She carried on a lively conversation with someone in a cubicle. She chatted away, not giving the other person a chance to talk.
I listened. “I have one hundred […]