The highway that the dealership is located on is also home to a dozen other car lots. Mitsubishi, Buick, GMC, Lincoln, BMW and a rash of high line used car dealers line the street. Tempting targets for petty crime. For the last few weeks we’ve been in the middle of a minor crime wave. […]

There was a strip club located about two miles from the Ford store. We were practically neighbors, so there was some mutual exchange of trade going on between the salesmen and the ladies at the “Gentlemen’s Club”. Some salesmen spent most of their off time conducting research of the female anatomy. A big buffoon named […]

A customer came in yesterday. Nice enough guy. Quiet. He spoke no more than necessary. But something happened that gave me the uber willies. I noticed he had five little warts on his right arm. Something was peculiar about their placement. They were arranged in a semi-circle.
I spent most of the morning with him […]

The dealership has been running ads for salespeople this week. It sounds great.
Earn one hundred thousand dollars a year. Weekly bonuses. Car allowance. Forty hour work week. Have fun, make money. It was written by our Colonel Sanders look-a-like.
A small knot of squawking salesmen gathered around the newspaper this morning.
“Hey,“ one […]

Flash Three was the darkest Flash of all. He worked at the Nissan store. Flash Three was a genuine scum. I mean pedophile level scum. He looked like a Klingon with a wide mottled forehead, arched bushy eyebrows and a permanent scowl.
A school bus stopped on the corner near the store. Every time […]

Flash Number Two was a zippy little wet brain. His anachronistic wardrobe was stuck in the seventies. He always dressed in pastel, wide lapel, what the hell, bell-bottom disco suits. They always looked new. Is there still a suit factory somewhere cranking these things out? Probably in China.
Flash Two may have had a […]

Nicknames are popular with car salesmen. Sales professionals with a nom de guerre all swear the names help customers remember them. The fake names also help make them harder to track down when the authorities come knocking.
Some of the names I’ve heard are; Tick, Rocket, Boots, Blue Sky and Plywood. Plywood was a nice enough […]

Working for Nissan. Saturday morning and I’m being punished. Early this morning the loudspeaker squawked, “Attention, attention, anyone not having three scheduled, verifiable appointments for today shall not catch new customers. You will sit in your office and mail letters.” The brand new manager got a head start on showing his ass.
That caused a […]

If cars sit around a lot too long they start falling apart. It’s not good for them to be stuck in one spot for long periods. Same for salespeople. You can tell a lifer. Someone who’s spent so many years in dark cubicles, away from the sun, you can see through their skin, down into […]

(Before we get started, I suggest you read; THE ROAD by Cormac McCarthy.)
My customer’s name is Mrs. Bilbrey. She’s five foot of pure psychopathic rage. She’s been a part of my life for over two weeks now, every day, five hours a day. She made a grand entrance ten minutes ago. Right now she’s yelling […]