Two crooked little chowder heads named Clovis and Ernesto worked at the Dodge store for a few weeks. They were inseparable. No one else would spend time with them so they had to buddy up. Combine slicked back hair-dos and pencil thin mustaches with chalky skin and tight purple wardrobes and they looked like […]

Not long ago I worked at a Dodge dealership. We used to sit for hours watching traffic go by. If you sit in one spot long enough something interesting will happen. That morning a police car was stopped at a red light. The back door popped open and a chubby little woman fell out. She […]

I was being punished for making “smart-ass remarks” in the morning sales meeting. My punishment was in the form of cold calls.
The cold call room was in the basement . It was windowless, dank and smelly. It’s where they sent us to think about our sins and make calls to strangers in the city directory. […]

Going off track for a minute here. A few years ago I was driving down a street in my neighborhood when a car stopped a few hundred yards in front of me. The passenger door opened briefly and the car sped off. By the side of the road was a small white object. It emitted […]

I sold two cars so far this week. A new Saab 2.0t to a young man. He didn’t say twenty words the entire time it took to put a deal together. Fine with me. As long as he qualifies and signs his name.
Then we rolled a used Saab the color of lime Kool-Aid […]

Everyone’s waiting for the new models to come out. Hearts are racing. Pacemakers clacking like castanets. There’s a salesman that’s been here twenty-seven years. He’s done well for himself. His main problem is the attrition rate of his clientèle. He’s like the tobacco industry, his buyers are dying out. They dwindle down with each […]

The Nissan Dealer hired some very damaged individuals during the five years I worked there. None more damaged than Gribble. He was crooked. Not in the way most people think of when they call a car salesman crooked. This guy was warped. His body described an “S” curve. His head floated off in […]

This is a true story. I wish I could take credit for a tale so fantastic as this but my meager abilities at spinning stories pale in light of this one truly bizarre circumstance.
The roads were lightly populated this morning. It seemed strange to have Alcoa Highway to myself. My morning commute is usually […]

Sorry but i worked a long and intense day. I’m too beat to write anything of substance. Here’s a best of selection based on e-mails we received. Hey, I’m turning into Johnny Carson.
So here goes.
The first story that pops into my pea-brain happened a couple of days ago. I was visiting a fellow misfit at […]

Between gigs at the Honda store and the Nissan franchise, I worked for the other Ford dealer in town. The sales people there were the roughest crew I ever had the honor of working with. They made Lying Lawrence look like a sophisticate. The senior man there was a portly red faced gent named Stu. […]