Yesterday the temperature hit one hundred. Nobody was stupid enough to come out and stand on the semi-liquid asphalt. Jerking around a car salesman is not worth dying for. We were bored and cranky. We snapped at each other like feral Chihuahuas I had to do something to break the bad mojo, so […]

Two crooked little chowder heads named Clovis and Ernesto worked at the Dodge store for a few weeks. They were inseparable. No one else would spend time with them so they had to buddy up. Combine slicked back hair-dos and pencil thin mustaches with chalky skin and tight purple wardrobes and they looked like […]

There was a greasy little butterball at the Nissan dealership named Ratcliff. Of course we renamed him Rat Clit. We had no choice. He deserved all the scorn we could heap on him. First of his sins, he tried to bully women.
“You better get outta my way girl,” he told a saleslady one […]

Not long ago I worked at a Dodge dealership. We used to sit for hours watching traffic go by. If you sit in one spot long enough something interesting will happen. That morning a police car was stopped at a red light. The back door popped open and a chubby little woman fell out. She […]

Television is a car salesman’s best friend during the long empty hours. Some guys catch up on their stories like: General Hospital, All My Children, As The World Turns. Others watch Judge shows where plaintiffs and defendants argue over pee-stained carpets and windshields broken by drunken lovers.
A few weeks ago, on a […]

I was being punished for making “smart-ass remarks” in the morning sales meeting. My punishment was in the form of cold calls.
The cold call room was in the basement . It was windowless, dank and smelly. It’s where they sent us to think about our sins and make calls to strangers in the city directory. […]

None of us knew about the sale until we saw Waylon’s chubby face on TV
“Come on down, to the twenty-four hour moooonlight madness sale.” he howled the word ‘moonlight’ like a redneck wolf. “That’s right, we’ll be here all night, twenty-four solid hours until the last customer’s served.”
The car business is rampant with […]

I reluctantly came back from lunch today. The temptation to just keep on driving gets stronger every day. This business is starting to wear me down. Just as I neared the showroom entrance, a psychopathic salesman named Rocky burst out the door, almost smashing my face.
“Rocky,” I hissed. “Will you be careful.”
“Sorry there good […]

Back in the early nineties a great deregulated hurricane blew through the savings and loan industry in Tennessee and took out the weaker branches. Several of the well heeled gentry found themselves broke, homeless and behind bars. One offspring of this ravaged demographic landed at the Ford dealership driving an older model Caprice […]

Yesterday morning I walked past a row of eight-by-ten cubicles. As I passed the second booth, a thick textured voice rang out, “Hey, Burke. Hey, let me show you something here.” It was Hoss. He seemed to be constantly on the verge of figuring something out.
“Hoss, I’ve got to go. I’m being paged to […]